I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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