You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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