i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Farmville is her only friend.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had sex on a roof
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
