she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
