Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
