you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
