He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
