Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm bleeding and have questions
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
