i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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