there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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