Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
