"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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