wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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