The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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