No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
