Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
