Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
