I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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