the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
