Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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