yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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