I think i sorta joined a cult last night
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
