Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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