i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize