I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
