I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
