a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
