dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
