Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
