Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
