She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
