When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
the raccoons are back...
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