the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
