I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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