I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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