We won't sleep together?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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