I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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