need another drink. this is the easiest way
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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