that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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