the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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