Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
