Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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