I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
