It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
