I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
