I think im going to throw up on grandma
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
