we're chasing vodka with high fives
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
