she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
