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hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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