her vagine was all disorganized.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
